Category Archives: Personal Development

Discovering the Culprit (Part 1)

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In my last post I addressed the concept of potential how I’ve been struggling to reach it with few tangible results. I then ended the post saying that I discovered the main obstacle to my happiness. This is how I found it..

I was writing in my journal about my fears and the actions I have taken to address the areas in my life that were making me unhappy. I had been taking consistent action to be happier with my job and present location (boring hometown where my job was) as well as finding my tribe, dream career and contentment. I definitely did not just sit on my ass and complain. Here’s a few of the many actions I took:

  • Started going to the YMCA
  • Horseback riding weekly
  • Reached out to new people and made a consistent effort to get to know them
  • Joined some meetup groups
  • Tried drawing every week
  • Hiked almost every week
  • picked up Yoga
  • Sought out Karen Palmer for some mentoring
  • Attending SB Dancetribe totally on my own
  • Took career assessments and constantly read helpful articles
  • went on adventurous “dates” with people I didn’t know too well and where (on one occasion) accidentally ended up at a nudist party where I felt incredibly out-of-place.
  • And of course reading all those books that I listed in the “Potential” post.

*The main problem came from within me.

In my journal I wrote:

“I believe that if I didn’t have the anxiety, situational depression, and habit of over-thinking, I would be living my bliss and getting closer and closer to being my best self.”

–>There it was! I hit it on the nail, all I had to do was learn how to think and talk to myself because I did it a lot and most of it was very negative. I was referred to Shad Helmstetter’s book: “What to Say When You Talk To Yourself” through a number of sources and people before I came to this decision. So I quickly went to work and bought it ready to tackle the source of my recurring issues.

Potential

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Potential – A latent excellence or ability that may or may not be developed (Dictionary.com definition)

Oh that word has haunted and picked at me for over a decade now. No one I can think of has been easy on me, these include: teachers, coaches, art teachers, professors, friends, bosses, and family members. Although they thought they were “helping” me by constantly pushing me to deliver, their “help” took more of an accusatory form rather than a supportive form. It wasn’t empowering at all. Who likes to constantly be told:


“What are you doing?!”

“You can do SO much better, I know what you’re capable of”

“You’re not even delivering on HALF of your potential”

“You’re not doing well right now but I see your potential”

“I can’t wait to see the day you reach your potential”


It’s not bad to be told any of this, it might be just what you needed to hear to stop living in mediocrity. But there is a crushing guilt that comes with consistently (being told that you are) living beneath yourself without a solution or a how being presented.

Me: “Okay thanks for telling me I’m under-delivering now how do I over-deliver?” or “What the f* am I supposed to do now?”

That’s the problem with people “doing you the favor” of telling you that you can do better, they don’t want to help in solving the problem. In reference to my last post, “Foreign to the Comfort Zone,” it’s no wonder I’ve always pushed myself to constantly grow and feel uncomfortable. I was trying to figure out how to be my best self and reach that goddamned potential!

In search of that answer I have read many life-changing books that other successful people have read:

  • “How to Awaken the Giant Within” by Tony Robbins
  • “How to Make Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie
  • “The Slight Edge” by Jeff Olson
  • “Train Your Brain for Success” by Roger Seip
  • A little bit of “Never Eat Alone” by Keith Ferazzi
  • “The ABCs of Peak Performers” by Bill Poett

I have taken away with me some important concepts I learned in these books and was still running into the same problems I was struggling with before. Finally I figured it out in a moment of deep reflection at a coffee shop on a Saturday morning. I will discuss this in the following post.

Thanks for reading lovely people!

-Nicole

 

 

Stumbling Over Rocks Much?

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Good Afternoon Everybody!

That’s what lead me to search, read, seek guidance, find some answers, and finally to start writing here-stumbling over many rocks in my journey. I’m sure many can relate, whether they be minor setbacks or large ones. We all believe that OUR problems or (better said) “challenges” are a big deal. To give you some much needed validation, they are! Because YOUR world is the only world YOU know! What I’ve learned from experience and my readings is that it is critical that we take the control away from our surroundings and learn to wield it ourselves to avoid “reacting” to life and, instead, to act in an intentional way.

Believe me, this has been a challenge for a while, despite my obsession  with reading books on reaching personal success and potential. I also think that my tendency to react ultimately led to the premature loss of my last job. There’s a silver lining to this occurrence, I was miserable in this job! Ironically enough, when I was called in to get the news, I didn’t fight for it. I literally imagined a mischievous cheshire cat smile because it was my chance to really get going. I’ve been needing a BIG, GOOD, SWEEPING change for a few years now and that’s why I’m preparing to leave perfect sunny SoCal and the familiarity of my home county.

-Nicole